A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full
of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.
children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back
to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after
a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead.
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this,
demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's
body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still
unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head
to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your
dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers,
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you
$50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."
A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian
and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further
ado, the chickens walk out.
Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the
librarian and says,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives
them some more. The chickens leave as before.
About an hour later the two birds march back in, approach the librarian,
looking very angry now and nearly shouting, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!'
The librarian is now starting to get worried about
where all her stock is going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what's happening.
followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be
She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was kept repeating, "Rrredit
Bill's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting
in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder,
and he turns around to see a big black bear.
The black bear says, "You've got two choices. One, I maul you to death or
two, we have sex."
He bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge.
out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A
huge grizzly is standing right behind him.
The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices, "Either I
maul you to death or we have sex."
Bill bends over. He survives, but he's really hurting and takes quite a bit of time
to recover, and, he's outraged!
Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank
range. There's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear.
The polar bear says, "You don't really
come here for the hunting, do you?"
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